Two words. John. Force.
We remember things by anchoring to existing memories, thoughts and parts of our life. Joshua fuer - lse lecture.
Importance if launching a new product by anchoring to existing cultural reference points.
Also. Personal note. Do more stuff to live longer.
Force approved. Points deducted by the need to land a second punch.
-Spoiler alert-
John Force hides from no man. The concept of fear and failure are so alien to him that he actually assumes they’re not of this earth. However in 1991’s cult classic, he’s put in a position he’s never had to contemplate. John Force has to go undercover.
It’s the year 2011 and whilst trailing a bounty through the bloody mess of Los Angeles, Kirk Steel is ambushed and left clinging to life. It was his own fault really, Force had told him time and time again not to wander off whilst he was taking his weekly piss. Although Force is able to save his life using a ball of twine, a bayonet and some of his own blood, Steel desperately needs time to recuperate. This leaves Force with no option… he has to rent a suburban bungalow and pose as a primary school teacher.
Although his students quickly warm to his no nonsense style of tutorship, it doesn’t take long before local parents begin to issue with the abnormally high body count in the schoolyard. The Principal comes down hard on force. Big mistake. The 30 minute torture scene that follows is some of the most visceral and unnecessary cinema has ever seen, and sees Force turn the Principles’ remains into a bloody approximation of an abacus.
Once finished with the Principal, he turns and walks out of the school. As he walks away the school explodes. Lit by the dancing light of the burning building, he lights a cigar as Steel – dressed as a suburban house wife – draws up alongside in their SUV. “Looks like Schools out”, Force nods. “Class dismissed”.
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Rumour holds that John Force was the inspiration for this having rescued the creator and a group of hostages from Shining Path guerillas in the late 1980s. The story itself would later be immortalised in the straight to betamax classic Proof of Force.
John Force, during his brief stint as a mercenary during Desert Storm
Forced into coverage
a tale of a gun-slinging strong armed QB at a big time college programme. When his best friend (who is also the top receiver on the team) is killed, he joins a local TV journalist to investigate who did it, working as a cameraman and sound technician.
THe follow up sequel, Forced out of bounds, looks pretty good too. John Force’s shoulder injury (sustained at the end of Forced into Coverage whilst fighting with the bad guy, Jimmy Leftend, on the flumes at Florida waterpark) means he has to convert to a Wide Receiver. However his maverick attitude and refusal to play by the book starts to cause problems for the team. Particularly as the book he is not playing by happens to be the coaches playbook, which Force believes to contain too few z-out routes. His improvised running lines see him continually forced out of bounds before the first down marker, and the team soon finds itself 0-6. Can Force master the routes, obey his coaches and lead his team to glory? Probably not, but at least he’ll get to kill some people along the way, in what turns out to be the bloodiest season in NCAA history, with 134 fatalities..
Estimated box office takings: 184 million on the first weekend.
The inevitable finale to the triology Forced into the Tight End see’s John Force in his final year of college eligibility and now suffering from conditioning issues causing his weight to balloon. The film disappoints fans of the previous two outings, as it primarily focuses on his descent into an extremely violent swingers club. His route running ability becomes ever more erratic and his use of recreational drugs affects his academic record. He eventually quits football and finds solace in water paintings.
This film is officially disowned by the studio immediately upon it’s release. Leaving the door open for several more NFL sequels in a similar vein to the first films. Beginning with Gale Force Draft.
Such films as the low budget ‘3rd String Punter Force’.
“There’ll be time for killing later. Now, we eat”, said Force, as he launched a rocket propelled grenade into a log-pile 120 ft away, igniting their makeshift barbecue and needlessly decimating the surrounding 40sq. ft area. “I hope you brought what I asked for…”
Steel unpacked his Special Forces issue backpack and handed Force the requested items; a 15 inch turkey drumstick, a warm can of Skol lager and the November 2003 issue of Knave’
“A classic..” affirmed Force, with a satisfied grin, as the behemoth drumstick roasted quietly on the fire..
“I can’t believe we’re not even half through this novel” muttered Steel with disbelief. “After nearly 900 pages, I just don’t see how there can be anyone left to kill..”
“There’s always someone left to kill..” said Force as he swigged back the warm, slightly flat liquid “That’s why I’m still here..”
…The last cartridge bounced on the ground and came to a rest by his foot. He rested the steaming barrel of the minigun on his shoulders and strode quietly down the nave and out the doors of St Peter’s Basilica. He took one last look over his shoulder at the heaped bodies of Swiss Guardsmen and ninja monks before throwing his still smoking cigar on to a stream of petrol that still dripped from the barrel he’d thrust through the chest of the Pope. The stream lit and the flames spread through the church.
He was joined in the courtyard by Kirk Steel who was still picking cassock from the teeth of his chainsaw.
“Looks like its a bad day to be God”, Steel said cracking open two beers on the chainsaw.
“Gonna be a bad week” Force replied as St Peter’s exploded against the night sky.
